Reasons

I’ve been awake for almost 24 hours
I don’t know why so don’t bother asking
I just want to list a few things right now
That may or may not be the reasons why

When I was thinking of going to bed
My heart started racing and I felt sick
Maybe that’s my body’s internal alarm
Telling me to avoid the nightmares

Maybe it’s my brain telling me
That all my thoughts are about death
Or maybe I feel uncomfortable sleeping
Next to someone every single night

When I was trying to go to sleep
My brain went into fight or flight
Is it fighting to stay awake?
Or fleeing from the hope of a good night?

When I say a good night
I mean an empty dark sleep
When I say fleeing
I mean I’m not ready for another defeat

Defeat is a scary thing
But I don’t know what’s worse
Hoping or fleeing
Because both make me sad